So yesterday I FINALLY did something I have had on my to-do list for a very long time. (Don’t you hate when you put things off.) Well let me tell you, for the past few weeks these two books seemed to pop up every where and something needed to be done about it. I have been feeling extremely overwhelmed and conflicted lately and a few days ago I hit my breaking point. Like ugly-cry, crazy-wife kind of breaking point and it was awful. (My poor husband.)
I sat at my kitchen counter, home alone, hysterically for no apparent reason. It was like a trigger had gone off inside me and the ugly cry could no longer hold itself in. This lasted for about two minutes until I decided to wipe the tears off my cheeks, sit up straight and ask myself, “What just happened?!”
Do you ever have this? Ladies, I know you feel me!! I tend to get lost in the comparison game way too easily. I wonder why others have certain talents and I don’t. I never feel like I’m good enough at my job or have the ability to dream big because I’m a small town girl, and it’s just not in my blood. But I was sick of this feeling and after having “Wild and Free” and “Present over Perfect” appear every where I turned, I decided God was trying to tell me something. There is something inside these books He needs me to hear.
Yesterday morning, I read a devotional from Rick Warren that made me realize I don’t have time to waste anymore. This message God is placing in front of me is important.
“Your choices are far more powerful than your circumstance,” Rick wrote. “You may not like how complicated your life has become. But with few exceptions, no one is forcing you to keep your life complicated.” Ummm, is he writing this directly to me?
“You have the power to simplify your life. In fact, God expects us to assume responsibility for our lives and to carefully choose how we spend our time.” Okay okay Rick, I’ll go buy the books today. Enough with the guilt trip.
“You have just enough time to do God’s will while you’re here on Earth. You’ve been given just enough time to fulfill your purpose. When you try to do more than God planned for you, it’s natural that you will find yourself constantly out of time or stressed over your schedule.” I hear the sound of my pen as it hits the floor and tears begin to stream down my face.
But no more are these ugly-cry tears. These are surrender tears. Tears because my shoulders got so tired of carrying the baggage my heart had been feeling. Tears because I realized I needed to finally dig into what is going on in my heart. Tears because I realized my choices are far more powerful than the circumstances I am in. Tears because I know God is with me every step of the way.
Yesterday on my lunch break, I stopped into Barnes and Noble. This store always gives me anxiety because no matter how hard I try, I never can find the book I want. But as I walked back to the Christian books, both “Wild and Free” and “Present over Perfect” were both there waiting for me. Standing there, I did what I always do. I opened to the first page in “Wild and Free” and was blown away by the message God gave to me.
My heart truly feels like it’s on fire. It’s crazy to know that sometimes, we go through really tough times because God needs us to fall to our knees and come to Him so he can prepare us for our purpose here in this world.
Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord. “Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
Today, I pray that I can feel like I am enough. I pray that I can trust in Him that His plans are far better than my own and that His timing will be the best gift of all. And I pray you can feel this too.